Concise Writing

As a manager, you will be in situations where you have to evaluate your employees’ writing. For this assignment, let’s assume you are a Marketing Manager. You have assigned one of your staff to the task below. 


(1) Write the persuasive instant message as described below (Instant Promotion – Text Message from Hilton Hotels to Frequent Guests). You have to write your own persuasive version of the promo text, different from the one given below. Use the same information about the golf course, but write your own promo piece. Do not omit any information.

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Make sure it catches attention and sells the vacation package, for it is a promo piece after all! Do not intentionally write a bad promotional piece to help you with step 3 of the assignment. You have to include all the factual information given in the original message when you write your own. You must fit your promo piece in 65 words since that is how much space the text promo will permit. 

(Hint: Be sure to write a good promo piece. Do not intentionally write a weak promo piece in order to help you in evaluation in step 3. Your assignment for Part 1 is graded on how attention-getting your piece is and whether you were able to stay within 65 words.) 

(2) Allow yourself time away from your writing, say about a day or two.
(3) Then, wearing Marketing Manager’s hat, evaluate your own writing from the scale of 1-10, 10 being the best. Support your decisions with constructive criticisms and suggestions from Marketing Manager’s point-of-view evaluating an employee in the marketing department.

“Instant Promotion persuasive essay outline – Text message from Hilton Hotels to Frequent Guests”
Hilton Hotels now uses a SMS (short messaging service) to send instant text promotions to customers who signed up as “H honors” members. But you work in marketing, and that means you are often struggling to condense elaborate travel packages into 65 enticing words (system maximum). 

Come True: “I just played a round of golf by the pyramids!” For $575 (U.S.) per person per day (double room), valid through January 15, 2016, travelers can stay in Hilton Pyramids Golf Resort in Cairo, Egypt, for US$575 per person per day7 nights 8 days/ including breakfast, service charge, and tax. They’ll be met at the airport, given transportation to the resort, plus two rounds of golf per person at Dreamland Golf course and two rounds of golf per person at Soleimaneia Pyramids Golf & Country Club course. That’s 88 words so far.

But you also need to convey that the Dreamland Course wraps like a serpent around the Hilton Resort. It’s lush greens and lakes designed by Karl Litten, contrast sharply with the golden desert, culminating in a stunning view of the great Pyramids of Giza, one of the seven wonders of the world. The Soleimeneia course features the “biggest floodlit driving course in Egypt.” The travel package provides free transportation to this nearby course.

Rates, of course, are subject to availability and other restrictions may apply. But interested travelers should mention code G7 Pyramids Golf Special when they call Hilton Reservations Worldwide. They can also e-mail, or call the Cairo hotel directly. That is, if you can entice them in 65 words check on
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